Saturday, February 20, 2010

Ikigai (or Reason for Being)


Between the Folds: The Science of Art; The Art of Science. I stumbled upon this film back in December. As it turned out, it was about to be on PBS so I made sure to watch it. (It's also available on iTunes) In one segment, a group of scientists at MIT discuss studying the folding of proteins that may help develop drugs to fight diseases.

Not only am I a paper fanatic, but I find it so fascinating because it deals with two disciplines that I constantly find myself see-sawing between: Art and Science. Who's to say they should even be separated? This short film shows the interconnectedness of both. For much of our life, we are taught as though they are divided; in fact, they make a whole. As the film mentions, "It seems artists and scientists are not as different as we often think."

I was originally a Botany major till late in my junior year when I changed to Environmental Studies in order to graduate on time. But I had been fascinated by Graphic Design and ended up making a career of it. Ironically, here I am, coming back around to science.

This film also made me think of the Japanese term "ikigai", or the reason for being. That which gives you reason to live. I liken it to finding a passion for something that makes you want to get up every day. Since starting my studies I feel I've found my ikigai. I felt stagnant in a job that wasn't satisfying. I thought one day: what can I do to make it different? Do I want to be doing this forever? Or do I continue just not feeling fulfilled in a job? Suddenly, my stagnant job has less control of my well-being and I'm moving in a direction I'm much more excited about.

I highly recommend watching this film and finding your ikigai.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Just Begin It

"Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it." Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

When I started this crazy undertaking, I literally thought "This is crazy". I felt a little on my own and unsure how to get from A to B. But the great thing I'm realizing is, the more you get involved in any place you choose to start, the more connections start to be made. Just starting is a huge step. But you'll find yourself in the circles you need to be in, before long. I've met so many great volunteers at New York Cares and at the hospital who are following similar paths. And it's incredibly helpful in pushing me forward.

There have been people who can tell me what to do in order to get the classes I need. You can't be shy; I ask tons of questions on the off-chance they can give me a hint of information or an edge. One volunteer has been working for some years in a job after graduating from a liberal arts college. She has just been accepted to several med schools after spending evenings taking pre-med courses. Another guy had been working in the city in the fashion world. He was just accepted to top med schools. I'm in awe. These examples make me feel like it's truly possible. It's one thing to believe it, but it's a bonus to meet them and hear that they've gone through all the same ups and downs you've gone through. That's a big part of why I'm doing this blog. Perhaps it will inspire someone else that it's never too late to try and the cards are never stacked too high.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

The Morgue

During the tour of the various areas of the hospital I'd need to know, I had been told by the girl who trained me, "Here's the morgue. But I've been here several months and never had to go there, so you probably won't either." Famous last words.

Today was my very first day on my own doing Direct Patient Care (DPC). And what do you know: I was recruited to help a nurse tech (NT) bring a body to the morgue. I had learned a patient died overnight on the floor. Sadly, the woman had had cancer and was only in her early 50s.

I helped the NT bring up a gurney to transport the body later down to the morgue. She seemed very nonchalant about the whole thing. "Happens all the time. I've done this many, many times". Of course. It's a hospital after all. All I could think was, "Please don't tell me I have to help prepare the body to put on the gurney". Thankfully, I was let go of my duties while the NTs readied the body.

I was called shortly later and met the same NT with the body on the gurney, covered with several sheets. A familiar outline profile indicated what lay underneath. This was the closest I'd come to a dead body. I once attended a wake of a former co-worker's husband, but only walked by and peered quickly. It was an eerie feeling. Now, here I was with a body that had been tagged and bagged on its way to the morgue until the family's funeral home came to claim it. I took a deep breath and prayed we wouldn't hit a bump and the body roll off the gurney. It was unlikely due to the raised side bars, but it still made me nervous. The NT explained how it was best to get the body prepared and down to the morgue as soon as possible. Rigor mortis sets in after a few hours and it would be more difficult to move the body at that time.

When I started on this career change, many people asked if I could handle dealing with blood and poo and all those other unpleasant aspects of medical care. Honestly, I didn't know. I still don't know and won't know until faced with it. But here I was, confronted with one of those moments. A moment that could make someone turn and flee. Oddly, I was nervous but excited at the same time. Excited that this was something new, a test of my wills, and well, quite frankly, something not everyone has had the experience of doing. How many people can respond to the question, "How was your weekend?" with, "Oh, I helped bring a body to the morgue"? Don't get me wrong; I'm not trying to make light of a serious issue. At the same time, you have to be able to detach enough to get the job done. I felt a bit of relief knowing that I got through this task without being turned off.

The morgue is on the basement level. I expected a large room with a wall of individual stainless steel pods like you see in those crime tv series. Knocking on the door of the entry, a security guy who sits in a small cold room opened the door. Next to his desk was the door to the morgue. After accepting the papers the NT brought with her, he opened the morgue door to a room maybe 15' x 15'. It was tiny, compared to what I imagined. Inside, there were already 3-4 other bodies. The security guy helped us wheel the gurney up a slight incline and we left the body in place. As I turned, I caught sight of a bare foot sticking out from one of the other gurneys.