Luck

“Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.” —Seneca

A good friend of mine called tonight. She’s a Korean woman in her 50s, with two sons in their 20s. When she and her family came to the US, she knew little English and had little money. And while her sons were still in grade school, she enrolled into community college to become a dental hygienist and has now been working years in a job she loves. Ironically, her son is currently in a similar situation as I: going to community college to take prerequisite courses and on to a masters. Similarly, my own mother went back to school to get her Masters in Education in her 40s while working and raising the remaining two of four kids at home. When I think of all both have accomplished with limited resources but a determination and passion that helped get them through, it is no wonder they've both been an inspiration to me lately.

While catching my friend up to date on my progress, I expressed a frustration I continue to cross: There are so many steps towards my goal, I’m exhausted (yet elated) when I clear one. But it's short-lived, because just beyond, I see the next one. She laughed and knew exactly how I felt. It’s never quite “over”. The best way to not let it get you down, is to take it one step at a time.

And yet, I feel I’ve cleared so many complex obstacles that I should be further ahead than I am. In the beginning, I wanted to give up 100 times. It would have been the easy way. But I kept thinking about my current job that sucks any joy of life out of me. The idea of being in that same position when I’m 50 propelled me to keep going. Here’s just a list of what I did in the first 4 months (October-January) of preparation.

1. Wonder how to juggle work, classes in evening, and volunteer work. Almost sold my apt. and quit my job, to move back with parents and take all the classes I thought I’d need
2. Visit PA school program to find out what classes I needed (fortunately not as many as I thought)
3. Sent applications to hospital to volunteer for patient care. Why? I need 1000 hours (!!!!) of direct patient care
4. Worried when I didn’t hear back from hospitals
5. Signed up with NewYorkCares.org to do hospital volunteer work in case a hospital never replied
6. Elated when one loca hospital returned my application and called me in. Turned out to be better, since it's a convenient location
7. Got medicals done (TB blood test, MMR test)
8. 4 blood vials later, it was found I had no immunity to mumps and borderline for rubella.
9. Got an MMR booster shot
10. Started volunteer work at hospital
11. A month later, had to have more blood drawn to confirm the MMR vaccine took. Also had to take a drug test
12. Visited 1st Community College – found out I was too late to enroll for spring. Persisted and got admitted. 4 hrs running around
13. Visited 2nd Community College – more conveniently located, more available seats for same classes at CC1. 5 hours running around
14. Enrolled in English Comp I

So many times I wanted to quit. Every step was painful and contained several more little steps, never straight-forward. But surprisingly, the more I kept going, the easier it became. Things started to fall in place, wheels started to click, and I met people in the same situation who only inspired me more. All this preparation has brought me this far. And I feel lucky.

English Comp I

I'm really liking this class. It's strange that I didn't take an English Comp class in college. But when the PA program admissions looked at my transcript, they marked that English Comp was one class I needed. It was the only class I could get into by the time I applied to the city school, so rather than waste time, I took it.

I was immediately impressed by the professor. He engages the class and makes it interesting without being boring and just reciting a lesson. I have to say, it's not easy when teaching an evening class full of students reflecting the gamut in every demographic. He has freshmen who are probably 18, adults returning to school (me), and a wide range of accents to steer around. We are a real melting pot of NYC. Or more precisely perhaps, Brooklyn. It's amazing. Some students have such thick accents, it hurts my brain listening from one student to another at times. The effort of figuring out what they're saying can be difficult. But I noticed Mr. R is incredibly patient. Not to say he's a push over. He once admonished the class for paying more attention to the cell phone than to the class. But he treats everyone like an adult, without ever talking down to them. And rather than getting caught up on discipline and risking discouragement, you can sense his goal is to get the students interested in writing/reading.

I wasn't sure what to expect in the class. It started off pretty basic: how to write an effective sentence, verbs, objects, subjects. I started to wonder if I were in a college class or in 4th grade. However, I realized this was a good time to really pay attention and improve my writing skills. And I found out, writing is not easy! Not that it was ever easy for me. But to write well, is such an art. Almost weekly, we have a short essay due. The class is proving to be a great refresher for me. English class was one of those courses I never paid much attention to. But with this new focus of my new found goal, it's a real eye opener of how little I really absorbed in previous school. And suddenly, I wanted to take all my college courses over again and experiment how much better I could do in them if I had really wanted those classes, rather than going through the mundane motions of: this is college; declare a major, graduate in 4 years. I really enjoy just learning. Once I'm done with these prerequisite classes, I may decide to keep taking a class just for the fun of it. Crazy, huh?

Ikigai (or Reason for Being)

Between the Folds: The Science of Art; The Art of Science. I stumbled upon this film back in December. As it turned out, it was about to be on PBS so I made sure to watch it. (It's also available on iTunes) In one segment, a group of scientists at MIT discuss studying the folding of proteins that may help develop drugs to fight diseases.

Not only am I a paper fanatic, but I find it so fascinating because it deals with two disciplines that I constantly find myself see-sawing between: Art and Science. Who's to say they should even be separated? This short film shows the interconnectedness of both. For much of our life, we are taught as though they are divided; in fact, they make a whole. As the film mentions, "It seems artists and scientists are not as different as we often think."

I was originally a Botany major till late in my junior year when I changed to Environmental Studies in order to graduate on time. But I had been fascinated by Graphic Design and ended up making a career of it. Ironically, here I am, coming back around to science.

This film also made me think of the Japanese term "ikigai", or the reason for being. That which gives you reason to live. I liken it to finding a passion for something that makes you want to get up every day. Since starting my studies I feel I've found my ikigai. I felt stagnant in a job that wasn't satisfying. I thought one day: what can I do to make it different? Do I want to be doing this forever? Or do I continue just not feeling fulfilled in a job? Suddenly, my stagnant job has less control of my well-being and I'm moving in a direction I'm much more excited about.

I highly recommend watching this film and finding your ikigai.

Doctor Confidence

"We lose a little dexterity, but we gain a lot of confidence." at The Cartoon Bank

Just Begin It

"Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it." —Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

When I started this crazy undertaking, I literally thought "This is crazy". I felt a little on my own and unsure how to get from A to B. But the great thing I'm realizing is, the more you get involved in any place you choose to start, the more connections start to be made. Just starting is a huge step. But you'll find yourself in the circles you need to be in, before long. I've met so many great volunteers at New York Cares and at the hospital who are following similar paths. And it's incredibly helpful in pushing me forward.

There have been people who can tell me what to do in order to get the classes I need. You can't be shy; I ask tons of questions on the off-chance they can give me a hint of information or an edge. One volunteer has been working for some years in a job after graduating from a liberal arts college. She has just been accepted to several med schools after spending evenings taking pre-med courses. Another guy had been working in the city in the fashion world. He was just accepted to top med schools. I'm in awe. These examples make me feel like it's truly possible. It's one thing to believe it, but it's a bonus to meet them and hear that they've gone through all the same ups and downs you've gone through. That's a big part of why I'm doing this blog. Perhaps it will inspire someone else that it's never too late to try and the cards are never stacked too high.

The Morgue

During the tour of the various areas of the hospital I'd need to know, I had been told by the girl who trained me, "Here's the morgue. But I've been here several months and never had to go there, so you probably won't either." Famous last words.

Today was my very first day on my own doing Direct Patient Care (DPC). And what do you know: I was recruited to help a nurse tech (NT) bring a body to the morgue. I had learned a patient died overnight on the floor. Sadly, the woman had had cancer and was only in her early 50s.

I helped the NT bring up a gurney to transport the body later down to the morgue. She seemed very nonchalant about the whole thing. "Happens all the time. I've done this many, many times". Of course. It's a hospital after all. All I could think was, "Please don't tell me I have to help prepare the body to put on the gurney". Thankfully, I was let go of my duties while the NTs readied the body.

I was called shortly later and met the same NT with the body on the gurney, covered with several sheets. A familiar outline profile indicated what lay underneath. This was the closest I'd come to a dead body. I once attended a wake of a former co-worker's husband, but only walked by and peered quickly. It was an eerie feeling. Now, here I was with a body that had been tagged and bagged on its way to the morgue until the family's funeral home came to claim it. I took a deep breath and prayed we wouldn't hit a bump and the body roll off the gurney. It was unlikely due to the raised side bars, but it still made me nervous. The NT explained how it was best to get the body prepared and down to the morgue as soon as possible. Rigor mortis sets in after a few hours and it would be more difficult to move the body at that time.

When I started on this career change, many people asked if I could handle dealing with blood and poo and all those other unpleasant aspects of medical care. Honestly, I didn't know. I still don't know and won't know until faced with it. But here I was, confronted with one of those moments. A moment that could make someone turn and flee. Oddly, I was nervous but excited at the same time. Excited that this was something new, a test of my wills, and well, quite frankly, something not everyone has had the experience of doing. How many people can respond to the question, "How was your weekend?" with, "Oh, I helped bring a body to the morgue"? Don't get me wrong; I'm not trying to make light of a serious issue. At the same time, you have to be able to detach enough to get the job done. I felt a bit of relief knowing that I got through this task without being turned off.

The morgue is on the basement level. I expected a large room with a wall of individual stainless steel pods like you see in those crime tv series. Knocking on the door of the entry, a security guy who sits in a small cold room opened the door. Next to his desk was the door to the morgue. After accepting the papers the NT brought with her, he opened the morgue door to a room maybe 15' x 15'. It was tiny, compared to what I imagined. Inside, there were already 3-4 other bodies. The security guy helped us wheel the gurney up a slight incline and we left the body in place. As I turned, I caught sight of a bare foot sticking out from one of the other gurneys.